/.\ F|_|[ |< I |\| G |] /.\ Y

If you cant read the title it says A Fucking Day.
Screw it.
Its my fault for once.
For getting my hopes up.
For believing I can change.
For thinking I would like myself.
Instead of seeing an ugly person.
For trusting family.
For loving to many people.
For caring.
For giving a fuck about what people think.

Why, do I live in a world, where people judge on looks and not personality, where jokes are in the form of insults, and humor is always putting someone else down. A world where everything is aimed at another person, you can only feel good to make someone feel bad, "Trust" doesnt exist, and no matter what, if you thought you knew someone, you DONT.

You dont know me.
No one does,
Or will,
I cant share what I'm feeling,
Or wanting to say,
I want to.

We're all fake people.
Acting a certain way to impress,
to not be the subject of those jokes,
to give people a false sense of security.
Pretending you're someone you arent,
never liking who you are,
never sure of who you are.
This world is fucked up.

Killings in the headlines of newspapers, shrugged at, its a norm.
People joining the army to "protect"
Protect what?
They dont tell you, and if they do it's a lie.
People are objects
Not living things,
They have no family,
Or minds,
Or thoughts,
Pull the trigger and it falls over,
Nothing is lost.

The "Caring" and "Understanding" of the world is dying.
"Enemies" are chosen.
"Friends" are near.
Both are a stupid concept,
because none are forever.
You live your life to screw the world up a bit more.
Then you're dead.
Gone,
and changes you made,
are pathetic and worthless,
because when you think about it...
you, yourself,
are pathetic.
You are born,
Learn about being "perfect"
Lose any self-confidence you possibly had,
Either kill yourself,
Be killed,
Or died.
No matter what you do,
you'll always be,
something you dont want to be,
Even if you have everything,
you have nothing.

Ready to Die

....
Okay, I knew today would start the week of actual drum line TRAINING, not taking drums apart and such.
Thankfully for Mr.Jones, he's too nice to hate >_>;;

We got there, watched a slide show about the first marching config. for the first song the entire marching band was working on, then left.
Our group went into the hallway and ignored the others outside (we were suppossed to be outside also) and stretched and talked XD then the upperclassmen did... "graham crackers" which, we watched them do.... and laughed our heads off. ((No I will not describe it XD)
Then... Hell >_>
Something that no ones made ANYONE in the marching band do, was forced upon us. Boo Hoo, I know, but... I swear, when you take a group of people that, are in okay shape, none of which run, but have good stamina to hold the drums, and you make them....
1. run around the stadium
2. run out of the stadium and around the upper parking lot
3. around the lower parking lot
4. double back and head towards the school
5. drop and do 20 push ups
6. knee highs (40)
7. 20 more push ups
8. immediatly start running, around the ENTIRE outside of the school
9. around the outside of the stadium
10. back to the drums in the parking lot
11. put the drums on your chest immediatly
12. start marching drills

(Note, our high school is a LARGE building)

This was the outcome:
Me with exercise induced asthma (had to drop out of track because of it) : Could not catch breathe for 4 hours and dropped onto the pathment struggling to breathe.
Kirsty: Looking like she was about to throw up
1 of the guys: Asthma Attack (exercise induced asthma also)
And worse,
While we were marching, 1 of the guys, immediatly stumbled a bit, fell over, dropped his snare drum, stumbled over to the school while we were all freaking out trying to help him, and he ran to the bathroom, threw up, and stayed inside the rest of the day. THIS WAS A GUY THAT RUNS REGULARLY. (maybe that gives you an idea of how much we ran)

Anyways, the rest of the day was okay >.>
Until I got a headache around 1 pm (over heated)
So I went inside to get some Advil, stayed there for maybe 30 minutes, and went back out.

Surprisingly, I think I'm so tired, that I dont feel tired o_O

Creative Mood

Unfortunatly, Im in a creative mood, but have nothing to do...
I dont feel like drawing since I have been 24/7 for the past few days.
(I wonder when gally gets back ._.)
Not to mention I'm really bored...

Tomorrow I start Drum Line again, but this time its going to be more hell. Instead of setting up, we're working now.

"Hello"
------
playground school bell rings again
rain clouds come to play again
has no one told you she's not breathing?
hello i'm your mind giving you someone to talk to
hello

if i smile and don't believe
soon i know i'll wake from this dream
don't try to fix me i'm not broken
hello i'm the lie living for you so you can hide
don't cry

suddenly i know i'm not sleeping
hello i'm still here
all that's left of yesterday

((I love that song))