I don't understand this at all XD

I had a "crush" in middle school.
Later on, I realized that I actually did not like that guy... in any way.
I felt pressured by everyone around me to have a crush. xD It seemed normal.

Years pass, and slowly Im feeling like the odd one out.
Some things people say, surprise me...

I was watching a TV show called Marriage Refs, and the problem was that the married couple only had sex once a week.
And everyone agreed, that wasn't enough.

Meanwhile, I was freaking surprised that anyone would do that once a WEEK. Let alone once a month.
Yes Im weird. xD

So yes, I'm asexual. And I love it, it doesnt bother me to be different. I feel left out sometimes but I'm used to it and its usually not that awkward.

I just... never thought it was possible for me to "like" someone.
When I look at it logically, the feeling of "liking" someone is.... stupid. But I can't seem to help it.
I guess Im attracted to their personality and just.. WHO they are. Instead of all that physical stuff.

And yet...
Im sad.

I just honestly do NOT see...
how I can ever successfully be with a normal person. How can I ever be with someone who isn't also asexual?
It seems the rest of the world... that's what it revolves around... sex. =/

I mean, Im definitely willing to give people a chance... but it worries me.
I'm pretty sure Im only interested in guys. Though, anything is possible. When I'm really only attracted to who a person is, I guess it doesnt really matter what they are.

So how long can a guy go without sex?
No one NEEDS sex.
If they think they do, that's bullshit. They WANT it.

but am I more important than that want?
people make me think not...


It's kind of screwed up that I actually like someone. And I'm getting to experience being so utterly happy/giddy whenever I talk to them (though I've always been happy to talk to them).... and yet when I talk to them I'm also sad.


Then there's the fact that I'm never, EVER, going to ask this person.
I can hopefully get over this feeling.
I can't get over losing an awesome friend. :/

I think if they asked me...
I'd give them a chance.

But that's not going to happen either.


Weirdly, Im not sad that this whole thing is a vicious circle that won't happen.
I have an absolutely awesome friend.
I don't *need* anything else.


But recently, I've been more sad than happy.
Someone slap some sense into me :l