.My Immortal.
I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
[Chorus:]
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
[Chorus]
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along
[Chorus]
Thursday, January 17, 2008
What do you do when a "best friend", becomes your worst problem?
For Fifi's sake, I hope she finds this post. Might explain a bit that's about to happen to her.
So here you go FiFi, my explanation. you're loss if you dont read all the way through
START:
I'm pissed at you. I'll go far enough to call you a fcking btch. Wtf is your issue? I cant tell if YOU'RE the one that's changed, or I am. But I sure as hell know something is up with you. You're going in a circle of ignoring people, then acting friendly, then ignoring. Well thanks for excluding me from the circle, I've been practically ignored from... 2 months ago? Believe me, dont give me that fcking "you're so paranoid" or "you take things to seriously". When every fcking person has noticed, and has come up to me asking if we're still friends, I'm doubting it myself. You're taking whatever we had forgranted and acting like I'm always gonna be there. I've been putting up with this shit for 2 months, and I'm sick of being ignored, and I'm sick of you making me depressed this entire time. YOU THINK THIS ISN'T HURTING ME? I dont give a fuck if "nothing" is wrong, or you're just "tired". But if you give me those excuses, that's the only thing I hear from you for that day.... or week. Then you turn around and chat a storm away to alex, winny or someone else. Fck it.
I've been trying this whole time and deluding myself that, "she's just tired..." or "she's busy ._." or "....? okay then"
And I've got to draw a line.
Until you answer my question of "are we friends", dont expect me to even try to be one.
I've given up on "best friend". It's obvious you've decided we arent.
If all I'm saying is a piece of shit to you, either come TALK to me, and explain this fcking thing, ACTUALLY explain it. And fifi, last time you "explained" it at the mall, you were semi-talking to me for... 2 days? then you went back to "oh lets ignore .... what's her name?" If you can't do any of that, keep it to yourself.
If you haven't gotten the point drilled into your head by now, here it is:
I'm. Not. Willing. To. Be. Your. "Friend". Until. You. Stop. Fucking. With. My. Head.
You've made me depressed now for 2 months, whether you've realized it or not, I've been worried and hurting. I cant concentrate and I wasn't able to think about giving up the fight for this friendship.
At this point now... I'm not going to push myself back into the state I was at when I first had met you. Which means, I'm not going to try anymore.
Btw, that whole thing about my family having issues and you not liking to come over to my fcking house hurt btch. Yea my family has issues, I know that. is it your issue to judge me on that? They're the whole fcking reason I was suicidal a few years ago.
Oh, and, when I am concerned and ask a simple question of "o.o what happened to your finger?" Like any other person, I mean "...is there any significant story to what happened?" and when you reply with an eye roll and a response that deems me an official fucking idiot for even bothering to ask, you pissed me off.
Just and F.Y.I.
*sigh*...
I dunno how to end this. These are my feelings that have been welling up for 2 months, and you pushed me over. Oh, and obviously I'm crying no duh. Not crying because I've probably lost you, crying because you're such an oblivious moron, and can ONLY think about yourself. You'd think after all these years you'd know me well enough to tell when I'm severely depressed. I guess you've just been guessing lucky in the past.
So here you go FiFi, my explanation. you're loss if you dont read all the way through
START:
I'm pissed at you. I'll go far enough to call you a fcking btch. Wtf is your issue? I cant tell if YOU'RE the one that's changed, or I am. But I sure as hell know something is up with you. You're going in a circle of ignoring people, then acting friendly, then ignoring. Well thanks for excluding me from the circle, I've been practically ignored from... 2 months ago? Believe me, dont give me that fcking "you're so paranoid" or "you take things to seriously". When every fcking person has noticed, and has come up to me asking if we're still friends, I'm doubting it myself. You're taking whatever we had forgranted and acting like I'm always gonna be there. I've been putting up with this shit for 2 months, and I'm sick of being ignored, and I'm sick of you making me depressed this entire time. YOU THINK THIS ISN'T HURTING ME? I dont give a fuck if "nothing" is wrong, or you're just "tired". But if you give me those excuses, that's the only thing I hear from you for that day.... or week. Then you turn around and chat a storm away to alex, winny or someone else. Fck it.
I've been trying this whole time and deluding myself that, "she's just tired..." or "she's busy ._." or "....? okay then"
And I've got to draw a line.
Until you answer my question of "are we friends", dont expect me to even try to be one.
I've given up on "best friend". It's obvious you've decided we arent.
If all I'm saying is a piece of shit to you, either come TALK to me, and explain this fcking thing, ACTUALLY explain it. And fifi, last time you "explained" it at the mall, you were semi-talking to me for... 2 days? then you went back to "oh lets ignore .... what's her name?" If you can't do any of that, keep it to yourself.
If you haven't gotten the point drilled into your head by now, here it is:
I'm. Not. Willing. To. Be. Your. "Friend". Until. You. Stop. Fucking. With. My. Head.
You've made me depressed now for 2 months, whether you've realized it or not, I've been worried and hurting. I cant concentrate and I wasn't able to think about giving up the fight for this friendship.
At this point now... I'm not going to push myself back into the state I was at when I first had met you. Which means, I'm not going to try anymore.
Btw, that whole thing about my family having issues and you not liking to come over to my fcking house hurt btch. Yea my family has issues, I know that. is it your issue to judge me on that? They're the whole fcking reason I was suicidal a few years ago.
Oh, and, when I am concerned and ask a simple question of "o.o what happened to your finger?" Like any other person, I mean "...is there any significant story to what happened?" and when you reply with an eye roll and a response that deems me an official fucking idiot for even bothering to ask, you pissed me off.
Just and F.Y.I.
*sigh*...
I dunno how to end this. These are my feelings that have been welling up for 2 months, and you pushed me over. Oh, and obviously I'm crying no duh. Not crying because I've probably lost you, crying because you're such an oblivious moron, and can ONLY think about yourself. You'd think after all these years you'd know me well enough to tell when I'm severely depressed. I guess you've just been guessing lucky in the past.
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