Youth

I miss being a kid.
I miss thinking about my future, my life, and day dreaming about how it was obvious that I was going to graduate high school, go to college, get a job, get my own house, and get married.
It was just so obvious.
I wish I was still like that. I want my imagination back, I want that childish innocence back, when you believe that while things go wrong in the world, your life wont be affected.

Some people might call that being naive, but I personally call that having a dream.

I want to be that 6 year old child again.
The girl that realizes that hey, she's a little different but it's not enough to stop her, and why should she dwell on it? So she bulled through people that stood in her way, and accomplished the things she wanted to. She vowed never to let anything stand in her way.

So what happens when you stand in your own way.
I never imagined it. Never prepared for it… and I still don't know how to handle it.

The obvious things in my life became near un-reachable.
What do you reach for when the things you've spent years imagining… just don't happen. What should you dream for now?

The way you pushed until you accomplished what you wanted… what happens when that isn't possible anymore. What if you just keep pushing and you just can't go.

When I look back at my life, I realize that I was always sick. It was always progressing, and my life was always a different challenge than another child's life.

Yet people treated me normally as a child. They accepted me, they laughed with me, played with me, and helped me accomplish the things I wanted.

With age, apparently comes intolerance towards the abnormal. They now treat me like a jerk, they avoid me, they stand in my way, they tell me what I can and can't do.

I wish I could go back in time, and be that child again. The child that people smile at, and give the benefit of the doubt that she is a nice person and she does try.