"If you think there's a problem, there probably is one... because the thought wouldn't have entered your mind otherwise."For two years I've been having issues with most of my friends, and they don't pay enough attention to notice. It took me two years to own up to the fact that there IS a problem... and that kind of realization isn't easy to come by.
I love my friends a lot, I'd do practically anything for them. They are the reason I try to wake up everyday and walk into that public school in a shit load of pain. I haven't given up on graduating high school yet because of them, I wouldn't want to leave them like that.
But I've been getting a lot of empty responses back. My friends aren't really friends anymore to me. Sure, I'll walk into the cafeteria and have a lot of them yelling my name across the room enthusiastically, but I've become rather pessimistic recently and have noticed that they're really only my friend when it's convenient for them.
Last year when I was sick for 3 months, did any of my friends call me? Ask how I was doing? Do ANYTHING to make me feel like I was even NOTICED? No not really. There were maybe two that did once or twice, but the rest of them didn't. There was even one that didn't notice at all I was gone. I spent the days lying in bed, 24/7, in a shit load of pain, with no social contact at all, wondering what the fuck people were doing, and what my purpose of life would be if I couldn't even make my "friends" care.
Should I really be thankfully that they only care about me in school? That may sound fucking harsh, but the way I've come to notice it, is they only "care" when it's convenient. They're only my "friend" when it's convenient, and they have yet to prove me wrong about that.
You might get insulted when you read this, and fine. Go ahead, get insulted. You've insulted me for the past 2 years, made me feel like shit, made me feel forgotten, tossed out with the trash. And yet I still value you as a friend, and I still love you guys.
Apparently I'm the loser here. I need to learn a fucking lesson.
