Worried

I wish I was a teenager.
In years I am, but in mindset and experience Im not.

I want to make foolish decisions, and run around experiencing the things my friends are.
But I feel like I can't.
And I feel like my childhood stopped years ago.

And I don't want things to progress.
I want time to stop. Everyone to stay in their place, while I catch up and enjoy what I should be enjoying.
But life doesn't work that way.

My best friends... everyone I know... will leave me in a year.
Their lives will go on.
And that scares the crap out of me.
I want to cling to them and never let them go. I don't want them to meet new people. I don't want them to leave. I don't want their lives to progress without me knowing about it.
Im such a selfish jerk. Im clinging to things that I can't change.

I've been worrying about things I can't change recently.
Watching as things happen that I can't control. Things that I DON'T want to happen. That I'm just not ready for.

Im scared.
I feel lonely. But I'm not. I have the bestest friends I could ever ask for.

Yet Im scared as hell.
Because I feel like I've accomplished nothing in my life. I don't even know what I want to do. I want to make a difference, but Im not sure how.

Im scared.
and I need answers.
I need things to slow down until I get my mind grasped around how my life is changing.
But that's not happening.