Mayo?!

:0 Finally got all my doctor info for pretty much... my entire life.
The amount of papers is insane, I never realized how many people I saw and how many tests I've had.

Hopefully once we send this stuff I'll get a call back asap. Im hoping to be able to see them in dec or jan, but most likely not. >< They're so busy.

I think... I'll accepted anything really. It wont be any different than now, I'll just have a word for what I have. That's assuming they know what's up with me.
I think even if they tell me it's something fatal, nothing will really change. Well, I dont know if I'll go to college (maybe I will, but part time so I can just do shit I enjoy and work on making a difference instead of working on an education). But my outlook on life shouldn't change, why should it?
As far as Im concerned whatever they find I have, I've had it. I'm living with it. Just because I have a word for it doesnt mean things have to change who I am :0

It seems though most likely I have a form of dysautonomia.~ Which isnt too bad. I guess. It really doesnt matter though. o.o
So far what I can understand about it is it's a central nervous system disorder. Basically.
All the things that you do without really "thinking" about, I usually cant. It might explain why my body seems to react slow. My mind and body are definitely not on the same frequency. It feels like Im chronically drunk or drugged. Also might explain why I dont get thirsty and my hunger is a bit... odd? I wont be hungry at all for the entire day and then all of a sudden my body goes "FOOD PLEASE NOW PLEASE KTHX PLEASE."

The only thing that is amusing to me is the different ways you get it.
Like here are some examples, a lot of teens get it when they hit a growth spurt (growing age) and then it gradually gets better around their early 20's. Pregnant women and old people can get it too :0
And then there are people that just have it chronically and it gets worse throughout their entire life.

Personally I feel like the last option describes me better but my mother insists that if I have it I probably got it when I started growing. Im not sure if that's just her being a mother or if she really believes so with valid reasoning.

Going through my medical records Im close to positive that I've had it my entire life.
Sure it definitely wasn't as bad early on. But it slowly got worse and worse. And it still is in my opinion.

But at least this has opened my eyes. The world isnt built for people who arent the "norm". Not at all. People don't want to have exceptions, give exceptions, or bother remembering the exceptions. It's too much trouble.
Sure people build things so wheel chairs can reach buildings without worrying about steps. There are handicap bathrooms and parking spots but I didnt realize how many little things can create issues in your life.

I could (at this point, though they might not accept my condition since it's constantly changing) file as legally mentally/physically retarded. The only issue with that is while it gives me some options, it takes away a bunch too. Not saying it's bad, it's just not for me at this moment.

I dont really think my friends realize that the word "retard" can be a label for one someone they know and interact with on a daily basis. Retard does not mean stupid, dumb, lazy, weird... it just means I move slower and do some things a lot slower than they do. I seriously feel as if I move at a slower rate than everyone else. And it frusturates me to no end when I go to school because it over loads my senses, I just want to put the world on pause and take a break before I keep going.

Topic jumping, apparently I pissed off Phylicia by saying it's a very good possibility I'll be held back in high school. She said something about colleges, but cut off mid sentence to say she wasnt going to bother talking to me.
I think she got the wrong idea but Im not sure how she read my statement. Maybe she thought I was saying my grades weren't good enough? I really dont know.
But at this point the high school will not let me graduate with my class. And they're making it increasingly hard to graduate in 2011. To graduate from my highschool there are some classes you HAVE to take to qualify. Geography is apparently one of them. That class from freshman year that the teacher decided to not even give me the material for and therefore screwing me over.
I could easily take geography online, the only issue is they wont ever sign me up for the online classes when I ask. I have to ask 6 months in advance, and by this time I don't even have enough time to ask them, wait 6 months for them to get their act together and then complete all my required credits by 2011 graduation. I havent even completed last years classes because they screwed up the scheduling on those. I'll have those done by december at the latest. Then around the summer I should be able to start the rest of my classes from this year. Those will be done around december senior year. Then I still have senior year classes. I can do this. But they're making it hard.

Im kind of worrying about Phylicia. She's been in a rather bad and impatient mood for the past few weeks, and I feel like something is bothering her. But I'm not sure if I should ask her about it or not. Considering she seems to be upset with me already I guess I wont. If you read this, please remember that you can talk to me about anything and I'll always listen. <3

Im really not sure where to go with my english class. I can take the vocab test but this other test on the declaration guys is confusing me. Badly. Im not even sure where to start with it. x_x
I need to ask her questions but I cant even make it into school. I want to go to school. So much. Im not being sarcastic. Sure it may be boring to you, but for me it's something that everyone else gets but is just barely out of my reach. Something that is guaranteed to you, isnt for me. I never went through life thinking I wouldn't graduate high school and go to college. But if I cant even attend high school or focus enough or stay awake long enough to do my online classes. Something has to change.

Im not really sure where Im going with this. :0
As for Mayo... iunno what I'll do about that. I've been thinking Im not gonna tell anyone. I really would rather not but I think I'll tell Gabe and Megan.
Gabe because I dont see why I shouldn't tell him, and Megan because I promised that she'd be the first person to know about things.
Otherwise I guess I'll just disappear for a week or two for the rest of my friends. I dont know if they'll notice actually haha. I've been debating if I should tell Phylicia but... I'd rather not. Im just worried that she'll get pissed if I dont. Or maybe she won't? I dont know how much she cares about those kinda things.

Ran out of things to say ;;
Buh Bye <3 I feel better now at least~