Breaking

42/60.
Math test... geometry ^^
I went from being able to ace math without even thinking about it.
To all of a sudden having a TON of trouble with it.
And god im trying. SO hard...
But the last test... which brought my grade down to almost a D... I think I need help.
So after pondering this for the rest of the school day,
I decided... that yes, I do need help. And I will try to get a tutor on tuesdays and thursdays before drumline.
Right?
Easy?
NOT.
I go home, and tell my mom my score, and that I want a tutor.
*heh heh*
Bad idea, next time I'll just fail in silence.
To cut to the chase she yelled at me for being incompetident (sp?) and not trying hard enough.
Said I dont need a tutor. I just need to try HARDER.
And she called my teacher, who *coughTHANKSMRS.WATTScough* gave her the link to this homework help site.
Which at this point is STILL loading (not working -.-)

So, I sigh and try to load the homework help site... one of the tutorial videos loads... so I click that and start watching it.
When my mother comes into the room and starts talking (wtf?)
So Here is the conversation.

me: ... leave please....
mom: one minute *russle russle*
me: OUT OF MY ROOM PLEASE X_X IM TRYING TO FIGURE THIS STUPID THING OUT
mom: well maybe I should just kick you off your internet! It doesnt seem to be helping!!
me: Then I would fail.... (the homework help is online)

Note I edited her ramblings a bit... -.-
Can it get worse?
(actually that part wasnt that bad)
OH HELL YES.
Mother. you. are. a. flaming. bitch.

After the "me: Then I would fail.... (the homework help is online)"
She responded:
"mom: seems like you're doing that on your own"

-----

then she leaves the room.
Im sitting there...
Thinking
"she did NOT just go there"
and.
I.
have.
NEVER.
been.
so.
mad.
in.
my.
fucking.
life.

heh heh
you BITCH.

^^

So, I wasnt that close to cracking yet.
Until my dad came in :3 at which point I had finished the first video and was trying to load the second.
Along with talking to Diddy while it loaded.
And he comes into the room... (MY ROOM -.-)
And goes "hi ^^"
me: -.- hi
him: o_O
me: get out please
him: thats rude
me: its my room and Im trying to learn here
him: learn what
me: math...
him: by IMing? what bs
me: o_o.......
me: LOOK AT THE LOVELY LITTLE LOADING THINGY
him: IMING ISN'T MATH
me: GET OUT OF MY FUCKING ROOM
(note I never swear to them XD)
him: *slams door and talks to my mother*
me: *grabs head with hands and slams head into desk*

At this point I broke down crying for a good 5 minutes ^^
Thanks for being inconsiderate bastards.
The video... still hasnt loaded.
Screw this.

----

I. can. not. believe. you.
1. you come into my room all the time without even knocking, and I do a favor and never lock my door as you ask.
2. you come into the BATHROOM all the time without even fucking knocking.
3. you are inconsiderate
4. even though you deny it, you so want me to be like my fucking brother who was in honor classes and got straight A's easily.
5. you dont try to understand
6. you bitch on and on
7. you fuc--- (I will not finish that...)
8. I come and tell you about something that is NEW to me (aka failing a class) and you... you....
9. I tell you I need a tutor (I have had tutors before and they REALLY help) and you dont listen.

Bastards.
I dont even think you know how angry I am.
I've NEVER been like this.
And I want to cry ^^ which isnt new
Hello hell again. It's deja vu!
except,
unlike years ago...
When I crack, its worse.
Instead of crying.
Im personally ripping myself up.
Slowly.... but surely
Each time I crack...
my shell doesnt mend
and It's easier for me to lose it.
you. are. helping. my. death.