Hidden Personalities/Secret

Imma say something here that I havent ever told ANYONE ^.^ because these words mean more than what life is right now at this minute.

Since I can remember, I spent hours under the dining room table at my old house.
.crying.
Cry baby? No.
I can see meaning behind peoples words that even sometimes they cant.
I know what people are feeling sometimes that THEY dont know yet.

So when I was younger, very young. And my parents yelled at me,
Instead of thinking "oh no, im in trouble"
I saw the difference.
My brother got the "you're in trouble" scream
and for some reason,
the one I got was different, it was really confusing
The tone of voice and the way they look at me is just... different...
and I didnt understand it, I thought I was bad or something. So I cryed a lot wondering what I had done.

So I started analyzing what people do, how they act.
Im very good at figuring out people now.
And even at a young age, I noticed differences.
I was maybe 4 or 5.
and I was already having doubts
about what their definition of "love" is.
and if it differed from mine.

The times I would cry under than table, curled up against one of the legs...
Was when I started to realize, exactly what was different.
And my mind wouldnt let me acknowledge it.
My parents... they have to love me ^^ it's my parents.
and its impossible to stay mad for long.
I've always trusted people, a lot.
And given them multiple chances, and my family members...
I think...
have gotten too many chances.

I want to get this idea out of my head... I want to believe that they love me. I know it's childish to not think so. but I just cant. my mind is driving me crazy. No matter how many times I tell myself... "they love me... they love me" It wont work. Every year is helping me doubt. But it'll leave right? ^^ right?.... This is stupid. I have GOT to stop thinking like this. It's how it's suppossed to work, Im their child, they love me ^^. So yesh. Stop thinking like that. *kicks self*

-----
Still even now, at my age...
Im analyzing people's reactions to emotional trauma, loss, happiness, etc.
And people are NOT predictable. I can tell you that.
Because, every person has 2 personalities. 1 that they show.
and 1 that they hide.
Thats the case almost always.

I can find patterns...
and start to understand the person...
give advice depending on what THEY would do.
Not what *I* think they should do.
-----

This is stupid '-'
Anyone that reads this will think "she has problems"
And I do XD
But I acknowledge that...
I just dont know what to do.